Proof Of Insanity

Sometimes, when I'm laying in bed at like two in the morning, I get strange, random, OCD impulses to clean and rearrange my room in every way possible. This is why my parent's suspicions of my need of a psychiatrist have slowly been been confirmed over the years. Other times I lay there and talk to myself, God, or my dog. I also cry. Yep, for no reason whatsoever. It worries me. Sometimes I have reasons, like, maybe I finished a book or watched a movie, but other times I cry for no damn reason at all. 

That's another thing! Cursing, I can't do it. Now, living in a world where people use the f, s, and a words all in the same sentence, you'd think I could get away with maybe just a bit of cursing when I'm holding a strongly emotional conversation, but as it turns out, I'm incapable of even that. Not saying that cursing is a good thing, you should all be ashamed!! Lawls, jaykay. Honestly, I am coming to terms with my cursing. This is only because I am comforted with the knowledge that when I curse, I will repent. I will feel guilty as hell. Yeah, I'm gonna pay for that later tonight when I'm laying in bed curled up in a ball crying because of my inappropriate language. 

Remember how I said I speak Spanish too? Well to this day, I have never cursed in Spanish. Reasons? If I attempted it in front of others they would either shame me into my room for the rest of my life or they would be so offended I would get....dead. Also, no offense to Spanish cursers, but bad words in Spanish sound way more violent and harsh. If you were to call me stupid in English or like French or Italian, I would just maybe tear up a little and then bite you. If you were to call me stupid in Spanish I would cry for 5 hours then I would pee on you. It's just mean guys. I can't do it. 

So I cant curse in English because guilt will overwhelm me and I'll cry. I cant curse in Spanish cause I can't. And cause I'll cry. I'm a crier....in case y'all hadn't noticed. 

Oh god, there's so much wrong with me.